Satsang with Swami Narayanananda -The Practice of Empathy

🌿 The Practice of Empathy

Empathy can be understood as the ability to connect with another person’s experience by becoming genuinely curious about what they are feeling and what might be important to them. It involves more than understanding the words someone is saying. It means developing an interest in their inner experience: what emotions they might be experiencing, what needs might be present, and what is happening for them beneath the surface of their words.

We often respond to others by offering advice, suggesting solutions or sharing our own experiences. While these responses can sometimes be helpful, there is another way of engaging with someone: rather than immediately trying to respond to what they say, we become curious about what they might be experiencing.

This shift in attention is at the heart of empathy.

💛 Understanding feelings and needs

One useful approach to developing empathy comes from Nonviolent Communication, developed by Marshall Rosenberg. It offers a simple but powerful way of understanding human experience through the relationship between feelings and needs.

The underlying idea is that all human beings share certain basic needs. These include connection, acceptance, autonomy, support, safety, meaning, creativity, growth and physical well-being. Although our circumstances and cultures may differ, these needs are common to us all.

Our feelings provide clues about whether these needs are being met.

For example, imagine that you suddenly find yourself in a situation where you have very little choice about what happens in your life. You might experience frustration, anger, sadness or anxiety. These feelings may be connected to an unmet need for autonomy: the need to experience choice and have some influence over your own life.

Or perhaps you are feeling bored. You might discover that what is missing is a sense of stimulation, creativity or play. If you are feeling grateful and content, perhaps your needs for connection, appreciation or support are being fulfilled.

The relationship between feelings and needs gives us a useful way of understanding ourselves. It can also help us to understand other people.

🌱 Becoming curious about another person’s experience

When someone shares something with us, we can begin to wonder about their feelings and needs.

Perhaps a friend tells us about a difficult situation at work. We might immediately want to offer advice or explain what we think they should do. But we could take a different approach.

We might wonder:

• 💭 Are they feeling frustrated? Perhaps they need more support or understanding.
• 💭 Are they feeling anxious? Perhaps they need some reassurance or a greater sense of security.
• 💭 Are they feeling disappointed? Perhaps something important to them has not been recognised.

These are not conclusions about the other person. They are possibilities that we can explore with genuine curiosity.

We might respond by asking, “Are you feeling frustrated because you would like more support?”

Or perhaps, “Are you feeling disappointed because you were hoping for something different?”

The other person may agree, disagree or explain their experience in an entirely different way. That is perfectly fine. The purpose is not to identify their feelings and needs correctly, as though we were solving a puzzle. It is to communicate our interest in understanding them.

This is an important distinction. Empathy is not about telling someone what they are feeling. It is about being willing to explore their experience with them.

🤝 The experience of being understood

Think about how it is when someone makes a genuine effort to understand you.

You might be talking about something that has been troubling you, and the other person responds in a way that reflects what you are actually experiencing. You perceive yourself to be recognised and understood. The other person seems interested not only in what happened, but also in why it matters to you.

This can bring a sense of relief. You may experience greater ease, connection or reassurance. You might also feel less alone with your experience.

This is one of the gifts of empathy. When we perceive that another person is genuinely trying to understand us, it can create a sense of connection. We may no longer feel the same need to justify ourselves or struggle to explain our experience.

Of course, we cannot always know what another person is feeling or needing. We can only make an effort to understand, remain open and be willing to hear what they tell us.

The quality of our curiosity matters more than the accuracy of our guesses.

🌼 Bringing empathy into everyday life

Developing empathy is something we can practise in ordinary conversations.

The next time someone shares an experience with you, try becoming curious about what might be happening beneath their words. Rather than immediately looking for a response or solution, consider what they might be feeling and what might be important to them.

You might gently reflect what you imagine they are experiencing, using a question rather than making an assumption.

Remember that empathy is not limited to difficult situations. We can also be curious about what brings another person happiness, enthusiasm, gratitude or excitement. Understanding what matters to someone includes understanding what gives them joy.

This practice can gradually change the quality of our relationships. We become less concerned with judging, correcting or influencing others, and more interested in understanding them as they are.

🕊️ Empathy as a practice of yoga

Yoga is not confined to our time on the mat or our formal meditation practice. It is also expressed in the way we relate to other people.

Developing empathy requires us to become more aware of our own habitual reactions and less preoccupied with our own perspective. We learn to make room for another person’s experience, even when it differs from our own.

In this sense, empathy is closely connected with the spirit of Karma Yoga. We temporarily put aside our own agenda and give our attention to another human being. We do this without needing to offer an answer, demonstrate our knowledge or change the other person.

It is a simple but meaningful expression of selflessness.

Perhaps this is one of the quiet ways in which we bring yoga into our relationships: by becoming genuinely interested in another person’s experience, making space for their feelings and needs, and allowing understanding and connection to grow. In doing so, we discover that the practice of yoga extends far beyond ourselves, into the quality of attention and care we bring to others.